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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Healing from the loss of a loved one. My 90 Day Challenge.

Wow this is so hard to write, I am crying writing  through this whole post.

  This is my Grandmother Polly, she was 101 years old and we were very close.  She Passed away this past April and I was with her when she left this Earth. To say I was devastated  is an understatement. It hit me really hard.  She is the first person I have experienced  anything like this with.  After her death I started to suffer from severe panic attacks. I would have  trouble breathing and my ribs and chest felt like a vice was squeezing me to the point that  I might die. I would wake up in the middle of the night  not being able to breath and I started to experience a gradual depression. Everyone deals with death differently. I was not handling what was happening around me well at all. The final straw was when I  woke up in the middle of the night and my chest hurt so bad that all could do was rock back and forth to try and get it to stop.  I finally fell back to sleep after praying for God to help me.  The next morning I  started to research what was happening to me and after about two hours of reading  I knew what I had to do.  My body needed to move, it needed to be working so it could help my mind heal.  When your body is physical and moving your body produces Endorphins.
 The main purpose of endorphins  is this writes researcher McGovern:

"These endorphins tend to minimize the discomfort of exercise,
block the feeling of pain and
are even associated with a feeling of euphoria."

I had no other choice but to go outside and walk, I live really close to a Lake with a path and when I was younger my Mom and I would walk a lake near  my childhood home almost every night.  I can always remember feeling so great after. 
Once I started walking there was no stopping me. At first I did it once a day when I could. Then I discovered 5:30 AM; quiet time, sunrise time, meditation time.  the golden hour which is what I  refer to it as.   To  make a long story short, I gave myself a challenge. I would walk 90 days straight no excuses.  I would treat this  like a job, like it was life or death. To be honest it was life or death.  I had to make a decision and I chose to heal and live. I needed to feel the sadness and work though it instead of pushing it down deep inside me.Walking at 5:30 allowed me to cry  and be angry and no  one saw me.  It gave me freedom to express myself and it was OK .

Right now I am on my 70th day with only twenty days left.  I am video logging my last 30 days and posting a weekly Vlog.  This is the first week of my last 30 days.  I really just wanted to be of some help to anyone struggling.  The transformation it has done to me is just short of a miracle. Not only am I healing my mind, but I am making my body Strong and my Spirit at peace.  I have been trying to balance  those three things for about a year now. I still have sad moments and episodes of anxiety, but now I  have the  tools to work through it.   My Grandmother is very proud of me.  


  1. My dear sweet Anne,
    I am so very proud of you. Your strength and ability to overcome something so devastating, only makes me want to hug you long and tight. As a huge fan of your talents, I am now a huge fan of you, personally. Your grandmother has taken every step with you, and is pushing you on to do more. I envy the relationship you had with her, and wish more people could have that as well. looking at the picture of her in her youth, I see your face shining back. You are a carbon copy of her, and probably in more ways then one. I am rooting for you, praying for you, and caring deeply for your well being. Please know that this 75 year old mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and many more titles, will continue to be your fan, and your friend. Right now, I am going to try to take a walk, my knees are not great, and it is pushing 100 degrees out, but even if I get a block in today, I might start feeling those endorphins. THANK YOU for sharing this story with the world, and I know in my heart you will reach many who need a little help, and will start with yours. GOD Bless you and keep you safe always. Much love to you my friend...Mary

    1. Thank you so much Mary! As always you are such a a shining light to me. Always saying the sweetest things. Hugs and love back to you. Crying in my chair. Thank you Friend.


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